I have a super power.
<laughter>
No, don’t laugh. This is serious; this concerns you. You’ll find this information useful.
First, let’s define what a super power is: a super power makes an ordinary person, extraordinary. We’ve come to expect such things as flight, super speed, X-Ray vision and super strength as the corner stones of super powered ability; it’s ingrained in our collective consciousness somehow. But what if your super power revolved around milk production?
All right. Granted, I may have lost some of you here. You ask: what kind of super power is milk production? Well here’s what’s extraordinary about me. I can make all types of milk. Chocolate, strawberry, blueberry and buttermilk: Where does it come from you ask? Well, I don’t think you’d taste my product if I told you that. It’s like if everyone knew what went into the making of hot dogs and sausages, they probably wouldn’t eat them. Same here – you don’t want to know.
But that’s my super power: I make milk. And it’s very good milk if I may say so myself. Call me the Milk Man. If you like. I won’t be offended.
Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, UN delegates, I don’t have to remind you of the state of the world, which you know all too well. And today I cast away my secret identity and offer my body to science, but at a price.
I’ve struggled all my life – living on Raymon noodles, peanut butter, Kool-Aid, and I’m ashamed to say, yes, even my own milk. I’ve been homeless more times than I’ve had a permanent mailing address. But here I am before you: a super powered being among a world of ordinary men. My motives are noble. I want only to help my fellowman, I really do…still, I’ve undergone enough derision and suffering in my life to see an opportunity when it presents itself.
After the plague struck I spent many a night wandering the streets, seeing headlines, watching the panic in people’s faces: a world without produce. How scary is that? Suddenly all the dispenser buttons were switched to off on nursing mothers across the world; cattle died. I watched the devastation, a detached observer in a world without a milkman, or any milk for that matter. So I’m here (after meeting with my lawyer and my new agent). I can also produce unlimited quantities of ground beef (it would be best to leave out the details of that as well).
All I want in return is my own reality show and a lifetime supply of nursing bras. Is that too much to ask?
I think when you consider the benefits you’ll see the importance of the research. Maybe my genetic mutation can be added as a new genetic strain for the coming generation. I’m not the scientist here. I’m just the Milk Man.
Thank you for your time.
[End Transcript]
